I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
