I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
