I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
