She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
