dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
