Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
