Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
