its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
