Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
