home. puking in laundry basket.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
