I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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