I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
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I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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