St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
