Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
