so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
