hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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