Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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