I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My liver just had a heart attack.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
