You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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