Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
