hotel room ftw
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
