can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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