We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
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Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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