Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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