he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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