i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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