I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
