i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
