just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
