life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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