i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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