just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
