i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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