weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
