TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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