I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
