you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize