When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Farmville is her only friend.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
