apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
