hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
