i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
