i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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