arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
