Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
