Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
