I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize