Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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