Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize