Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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