Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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