I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize