nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't turn off my feet"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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