two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
