Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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